Hey, It's Okay to Feel That Way

I tend to be a bubbly and positive-minded person, but lately a negative voice inside my head has been whispering to my soul that maybe I’m not doing enough, maybe I’m simply not enough. 

Maybe I’m feeling a little down in the dumps these past few days. These feelings make me think, “ I allowed to feel this way…a little lonely, fearful, even though I’m a perfectly fortunate human being with plenty to be grateful for? 

The answer, I’ve realized, is yes. Yes, I am allowed to feel the feels. 

Whether you won the lottery this morning or have one measly penny in your bank account, life poses challenges every day, and maintaining optimism one hundred percent of the time…is well, simply impossible. Our happiness may be a rollercoaster ride no matter how wonderful our life is—and that's okay.

Sure, we should make the most of the cards we are dealt, but I also believe that it is healthy to allow ourselves to feel sadness. We can feel frustrated, angry…even outraged with the world! We can feel confused, out-of-place, like a fish out of water…and we are not required to explain ourselves to society. 

It would not be human to be Little Miss happy-go-lucky with every lemon life throws us. 

When I allow myself to feel, when I share my feelings with loved ones and when I wholeheartedly accept that I am a flawed human being, a world of connectedness opens. Because vulnerability drives the human connection.

No one has it all together, 100% of the time. Though it is wonderful to exhibit optimism when possible, allowing our-selves to feel pain and sorrow when necessary allows us to soak in our happiest of days with even more gratitude and love, and nurture our relationships with more truth.

So, have a good cry into your pillow, a scream, a wallow into a pint of ice cream while watching Soap Opera reruns. But, when you are through feeling the feels and being human, get out there and rock this world.

It sure needs you! 

The Dreamers and The Do-ers

Instagram. Twitter. Facebook. 
Tumblr. Snapchat. Vine.

We follow the lives of others so intently, that we subconsciously neglect the sacredness of our own.


Some days, I have to remind myself that this is not a test run. This is it. This is my life. I'm not getting any younger.

We "follow" the dreamers and the do-ers, the people we admire most in this world.

Hollywood stars are the dreamers and the do-ers. Our dear friends and family are the dreamers and the do-ers.

But why is it so difficult to remember that we, too, are the dreamers and the do-ers?

It is easy to become discouraged about our own journey when we have handheld access to the seemingly frequent accomplishments of those around us.


We wish we could do that. We wish we could live that life or be as successful the next person. Gosh, they are so lucky---if only that were me. Ugh. That will never be me.

It is no wonder so many of us are often times dissatisfied with our own day-to-day lives. We are living in an era where the 'highlight reel' of others is just a click away.

On the plane, the train, the bus, in the car…our first thought is not to fall asleep because we are exhausted from our own hard work and strenuous endeavors. But no.first, we must check up on the rest of the world.

But what we often forget is that these images we admire and envy are filtered, edited and hand-picked by others to reflect only the finest of moments.

Life is magical, but messy nonetheless. We have to work hard for our dreams to become reality. We cry, we worry, we argue and we regret past decisions. We experience sorrow and loss and some days we want to hide under our covers for the rest of time watching Gilmore Girls reruns.

They, too, have messy lives.

Social media is, indeed, an incredible way to share our happiest moments with others, remember our favorite days and stay in touch with our loved ones.

But as we scroll through the most blissful moments of friends, we must remember that comparison is the thief of happiness. We must keep in mind that we, too, have our own blissful moments that are uniquely ours.

And they, too, have had their own struggles, hidden from the public eye.
Whoever you are, wherever you are and whatever you are doing with your life is not a mistake. It is your own wonderful, messy life---and all of your moments---the good and the bad---have a sacred meaning in this world.

You are both a dreamer and a do-er.

In the words of Aibileen Clark, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important."

And you, my friend…you is doin' just fine.

5 Lessons on Friendship: Thank You, College

College. Four years where we learn for the first time how to maintain long-distance friendships, create the new and learn from those that have been lost in between.

The road to losing, finding and maintaining friends is both messy and beautiful. And with that said, here are five lessons that I can thank college for teaching me over the past three years.

Invest in friends who invest in you.

When I care about someone, I will be an exceptionally good friend. I will check in regularly, I will always know how they are and I will be there, no matter where in the world they are. In the past, even when friends have not been there for me in return, I have continued to try.

However, this year I have come to terms with the fact that I only have so much time and energy, and friendship is a two-way street. We owe our time to those who care deeply about us---and those who did not care enough? Well, we gave them our best and we sincerely wish them well in life.

Quality over Quantity

At one time I believed that if I surrounded myself with parties and cool people my college life would be perfect. Little did I know, finding genuine friends in college was not a quick fix. It took joining and dropping out of a sorority, living with nine different roommates and saying ‘yes’ to endeavors that sometimes made me uncomfortable to learn this lesson. There were ups and downs, surprises and disappointments. At the end of the day, making tons of friends who knew me on a surface level and trying to fit into a social mold did not bring me the fulfillment I so needed.

I later nurtured friendships with a handful of people who know me inside and out and think the world of me anyway; they have given me a joy I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Long-distance friendships work, when the effort is a two-way street.

To this day, my three best friends from high school are still prominent in my daily life. When I transferred colleges, moved across states and continued the search for who I was in the midst of it all…these were the gals sending me letters of encouragement, calling me regularly and surprising me with visits. I wouldn’t be half the person I am today without their support, and I shower them with as much love as I have to give in return. They mean the world to me.

But then, there are those friends who you mail a letter to, and you don’t receive one in return. Or you call, leave a voicemail, wait a few days...and never receive a call back. Eventually, we must remind ourselves once again, that friends are either lessons or blessings, we wish them well, and we move forward.

True friends hold your hand through your downs---and celebrate your ups.

It is easy to support a friend who is suffering. Naturally, we are empathetic and loving. We send packages, we make brownies and we write sentimental card. It makes sense…we all have a soft spot for our friends, especially when they face a traumatic experience.

What’s even harder? Jumping up and down for a friend who was just engaged, landed a job she wanted or decided to move to her dream city. This is because, as women, society has taught us to view each other as competitors. We have to fight to re-teach ourselves that when we celebrate our friends’ successes, we are better, stronger humans. We are capable of so much more with each other’s support.

The friends who cheer you on louder than yourself when something wonderful happens in your life are keepers. Don’t count on getting rid of them anytime soon.

Friends who are the ‘opposite-of-you’ make you better, smarter & stronger.

Surrounding yourself with people who share your interests, personality traits and passions is comfortable. It feels great---you just ‘get’ each other.

But, I love a relationship that challenges my beliefs, offers me the harsh truth when I need to hear it (that is, always) and helps me to see the world in a new light. Both of us gain a broader perspective and knock some sense into each other when we need it; side note: our conversations are never dull …in fact, they often include awkward debate and tension. I realize this may sound unappealing, but I promise, these friends are worth it. They will force you to grow in ways you’ve never imagined.

It all goes to back to the ol’ Irish quote... “Best friends are like four-leaf clovers, hard to find and lucky to have.”

College, thank you for the people who walked away, for those who came into my life and never left and those I have yet to meet. Each person has contributed to my life in one special way or another …and for that I am eternally grateful.

Not Every Day is Good, but There is Something Good in Every Day

This morning, I awoke with a pounding headache. Finding the motivation to leave my bed, pour a glass of water and take two Advil was an internal battle. My pessimistic self and my optimistic self had a contradictory conversation.

"No, stay in bed…you need to to rest your body, it feels too weak to walk downstairs." 

"But you will feel better if you take some medicine."

"But I can't…I can't move. My head…ugh, why me? Why today?"

"Suck it up, sister. You'll live and you'll be just fine…I promise." 

This banter continued until finally, I willed my head off my pillow and stumbled down the staircase to the refrigerator. I stretched my arms and squinted out at the window, a crushing pain still exuding from my skull. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and the grass was greener than it was yesterday.

I proceeded to spend the next several hours horizontal, an ice pack across my eyes in a dark room, until the pain dwindled away. When I finally felt well enough to stand tall, I threw on some shorts and a tee-shirt and focused my attention to today's "to-do" list. It was past noon and I felt discouraged about facing the rest of my day.

"What's the point of following through with the rest of my plans? I've already missed out on the morning."

"But the rest of the day is yours, Shannon. You can still turn it around."

"Ugh. Sometimes you're just too optimistic."

"You don't really want to spend the rest of your day wallowing in self-pity, do you?"

"Well, no…I guess not."

"Then get movin', sister! Time is a tickin'!"

Though my body was politely asking me not to tackle every task on my "to-do" list today, I managed to make it to my volunteer site for an hour, a practice for middle schoolers who are training for their first 5k. I ran and walked alongside the kids throughout beautiful Columbus, talking about ice cream and candy and sweet summertime. The birds were chirping and the sun was shining. My face was smiling, and my heart was clapping for the first time all day. 

Though my day as a whole was not phenomenal, that one hour gave me something to smile about…and to have something to smile about today…well, that in itself is something to smile about.